## He tried to change his ways, but couldn't do it

Christopher Eley gets it wrong again. 

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Previous wrongs have included:

-	Telling a job interviewer he wanted the job 7/10 when asked to give a rating out of 10.
-	Overflowing a sink with no proper overflow
-	Leaving his wallet in Alderney airport then getting a flight to a different airport.  
-	Not checking his car oil level, before emptying a whole bottle of oil into it. Creating a James Bond style smoke screen across the three lanes of the motorway. 
-	Forgetting his best man’s birthday in 2020. 
-	Attending a house party, then calling the host a party pooper, before being made to leave- by the aforementioned party pooper. 
-	Forgetting his best man’s birthday on 2021. 
-	Forcibly making people join a hoe down style dance in the middle of the club, whenever Cotton eyes joe comes on, before being asked to leave. 
-	Knocking on a public cubicle toilet door to tell me he’ll be outside, I wasn’t in the toilet at the time. Police have warned him about doing this now. 
-	Managing to persistently sing the Jurassic park theme wrong- then argue about it. 
-	Starting fires inside the school ground. 
-	Turning up at my house when I wasnt there, and spending the day watching my mum paint a wall. 
-	Creating an official GCSE coursework presentation about corned beef – he was made to do it again after spending months doing it. 
-	Buying his bestman a crossbow – knowing the result would be me constantly shooting him. 
-	Leaving the dancefloor to go to the toilet on a night out,  then never coming back. He couldn’t find me – the giant in every room, stood in the same place he’d left me. 



Chris goes wrong again

**The suspicious object, spotted on the M11 motorway, prompted a call to the police, who were deployed to track down the car.**

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A pair of feet sticking out of a rolled-up carpet - believed to be a body - turned out to be a mannequin dressed as Prince Charming.

The suspicious object, spotted on the M11 motorway, prompted a call to Cambridgeshire Police, who were deployed to track down the car.

When they found the vehicle, they were told by the driver that he was taking the dummy to a themed birthday party.

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Cambridgeshire Police said: "When we received a call on Saturday lunchtime to reports a vehicle was travelling along the M11 with a pair of feet poking out the end of a rolled up piece of carpet, alarm bells were naturally ringing for the informant and our control room.

"We managed to track the vehicle down in Angel Drove, Ely where our officers discovered there were indeed a pair of feet... belonging to a mannequin dressed as Prince Charming who was on his way to a themed birthday."

The force said the driver was given advice "to avoid such circumstances again".

It added: "Thankfully this was a false alarm."

Prince Charming mannequin mistaken for 'body rolled up in carpet' on motorway

**A Chinese manufacturer makes 10,800 tea cups, mugs and plates to mark the Queen's seven decades as monarch, only to discover a vital spelling mistake.**

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**It sounds like a money-making scheme that Del Boy Trotter would come up with himself.**

The Queen's Platinum Jubilee is imminent and there is money to be made from souvenirs.

But, like many of the ideas devised by Peckham's finest, a vital detail scuppers the deal.

A Chinese manufacturer made 10,800 tea cups, mugs and plates to mark the Queen's 70-year reign.

The only problem was the inscription.

Below a picture of Her Majesty are the words: "To commemorate the Platinum Jubbly of Queen Elizabeth II."

Given that one of Del Boy's favourite phrases is "lovely jubbly", the items, for sale on a clearance website, are now being touted as perfect for fans of both the Queen and Only Fools and Horses.

Wholesale Clearance UK, which sells unwanted stock in bulk, has picked up the collection.

It comments on its website: "You will notice this is probably more at home on the shelf next to Peckham Spring (Del Boy's bottled water which glowed yellow in the dark) as these are in fact celebrating the Queen's Platinum Jubbly.

"These are... as you say... the Creme de la Menthe! So if you are a fan of the Queen and Del Boy... two birds with one stone."

Andy White, from the company based in Poole, Dorset, said it was a "bit of fun".

He added: "I think the online trader rejected the items pretty much straightaway, but, in hindsight, with the exposure it's getting, they're probably wishing they didn't. Their loss will be someone else's gain."

The website adds: "If you close your eyes, you can almost hear those immortal words from Britain's favourite businessman ringing through the halls of Nelson Mandela House.

"But in typical Only Fools manner, this isn't exactly as expected."

The stock is for sale as a bulk lot for £32,400.

Cushty.


Chris goes wrong again

Prince Charming mannequin mistaken for 'body rolled up in carpet' on motorway

'Platinum Jubbly': The Queen's 70-year reign gets an Only Fools and Horses twist